A humble beginning, a proud moment and a big hope’
-Fairuz Yasmin bt Ramli-
The beginning
One of my Ustaz used to tell this: “Every single person in this world has his/her role. Until he/she finds it, his/her life will be incomplete. Be patient and keep trying. The time will come when we understand what Allah has prepared for us”.
I might not be married when my friends already have at least three kids. I failed my professional exams many times until to date when the fees are rising year by year. At certain times I hate my job. Having said that, all my so called issues will never, ever equal to what the underprivileged people suffered when they were left far behind. And this fact, I missed for many years. All this while I only know that I must study and pass exams to get a great job. I pushed myself really hard at passing exams and once exams are done and I got my result, my lecture notes and books will be history, missing in action.
I regret that I have this view point for many years before. And during that moment, my life was quite miserable. I have no actual mission. Everything was on ad-hoc basis. I spent most of my time trying to please the people around me-bosses, clients, parents (I must please them after all because I love them dearly), my part time study lecturers etc but my soul was almost dying. I didn’t know for what I took professional exams. Only recently I realized that it’s the people’s expectation that caused me to act before. Though I opposed the idea of pleasing others, I myself did that. How miserable was a life like that.
But, coming back to the Ustaz’s advice, I slowly gained the spirit. I started to look back at what is the real purpose of my life. I started to love myself again. I started to write poems and some ‘syok sendiri’ short articles, which I stopped for many years before. I started to appreciate the professional exams that I took for many years and understand that nobody can force me to finish the exams when I am not ready, because passing is not everything. It’s the knowledge that matters. So what if I have to sit for the same papers for six times when others passed at one go? So what if others managed to be promoted early when I still struggling at my level due to I don’t have professional certificate? Are they better than me IF all they can do is just to hang around showing off their wealth and pride? Of course I don’t want to be judgmental in this regard. No. I’m just giving an example with the word ‘IF’.
The proud moment
I came to “Konvensyen Pendidikan Cinta” (“Konvensyen”) with no expectation. Yes, there were a bundle of glamorous people coming as speakers and panelists. But that is not my main concern. I only wanted to know what does the Konvensyen has for me - a person who is still searching for something missing. And my intention was proved with me being there alone, with no friends (in previous events that I went, I must have at least one friend joining me).
And so I sit there and listen to what the speakers and panelists presented. I won’t talk much about the ideas or issues here. I only want to express my gratitude and appreciation to TFTN for having the event. The spirit of the people was so inspiring. Nice people everywhere, who did not expect a return from their good deeds. I also managed to buy TFTN button badge at a price of RM4 only. A nice and humble person (Sorry, I did not know her name) actually paid the difference of RM1 for me. Despite being a person who looks at numbers in billions (I work in finance field) almost every day, I still feel RM1 she paid for me as a really huge amount.
The big hope
Never mind if I took many years to learn the fact that we are so busy pursuing our mission that we forget the ones left behind. It is still not too late for me to tell the ‘Anak-anak’ TFTN these:
It’s OK if you fail at certain point in your life.
It’s OK if you don’t know everything in this world. You will have enough time to learn it as you move up a year in your life.
It’s OK to be a naughty kid certain times when other kids are being praised as being obedient and polite all the time.
Nobody is supposed to punish you if you cannot get certain marks. It is only a piece of paper with marks on it. Correct the mistakes and move on.
You are special in your own way. Keep smiling and never lose hope. Have confidence. Have love.
What matters is the ending. Not the beginning, not the middle part of it.
It may take years for you to understand. Don’t push yourself too hard. Just enjoy your moment. For a start, learn the What’s and Why’s. You will understand better.
Appreciation to the team
Last but not least, I would like to dedicate the poem I loved until to date to all TFTN team. Know that your ideas are now heard and appreciated by many. Keep going on. I pray that we all are given enough strength to give. I have got your points: We have had enough of mere getting. Now is the time of giving.
IF-Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
Source: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/175772
-Fairuz Yasmin bt Ramli-
-Seri Petaling-
-23 December 2013-
